Winter · Light

Matte powder blue is my favorite truck color.

My sewing room is becoming a special place. I've excavated my Pre-Raph paintings from my college dorm room and installed shelving. Aspen, Marguerite and Violette are happy together.

When someone cuts you off on the highway, how can you blame him, when he is doing as he was taught?

I have experienced a strange inner energy the past few days. The darkness of facts of life existence has disintegrated into constant highs and lows of passion which have manifested in my hearth, in some very erratic writing not at all true to the characters. How did I ever live in my facts of life existence? Last night I walked out to the pond in the dark with Reginald. I could only see the glassy surface of the water shimmering with starlight. The high grass around me was shadow. It was the deepest form of my nonliving. Illogical, pointless. When I'm alone I don't want a flashlight.

Friday night was a delicious one. We went to Spiral Diner in Fort Worth. It was totally exciting. I couldn't decide what I wanted most from the all-vegan menu. I got a cheeseburger, better than most I have had. The pasta salad also was delicious. It was so exciting to spend an evening out. The atmosphere in this part of Fort Worth was like that of an arts district. It was almost like we had teleported to Austin. Being so close to Fort Worth really sweetens the deal of our not-too-remote farmhouse.

Mmm, it tastes like love. This is McDonalds's new hot chocolate.

This week feels very tired to me and that I need to recover myself at
home a good bit.

It has gotten to the point that I am actually tired of rain. But I
love the cold, poetic wintery light coming through the clouds. I
always want something I can never quite have, and the winter sun
represents that to me.

Sunlight, fresh air to breathe, in a place where it is absolutely
appropriate to pull out my journal and write in it. All at once I
become creative, no longer narrow.

This week I started reading The Harney and Sons Guide to Tea. I am only in the first chapter, but I love it. I have lost my access points to certain teas and feel inspired to seek them through other sources.

From the book…

Tea tasting in five steps

1. examining the dry leaves: leaves should look consistent with each other, as though they came from same plant. Cheaply harvested tea will contain bits of stalk. Examine leaf size against chart. Check aroma of dry leaves by breathing on them, then inhaling. If tea is stale, aroma may be subdued.
2. brewing the leaves at the proper time and temperature: ceramic or glass pot suggested for smelling tea. Gaiwan cup – Chinese small lidded ceramic cup ideal for tasting. Use white cup to examine color. Spoon commonly used for group tastings. Use filtered water. Look up brewing temperature and time. Every tea is different. Observe tea liquor (brewed tea) and body to determine correct amount of time.
3. looking at the tea: compare color to chart.
4. smelling the tea: mouth can detect four tastes: sweet, sour, bitter and salty. Fifth smell: umami, Japanese, a mouth-filling quality. Everything else we register through nose. Envision garden or market with aromas. Gardenias, honeysuckle, papaya. Aroma normally different from taste.
5. tasting the tea: Body: heft or weight. White, Chinese greens very light. Thicker Japanese green tea brothy like chicken soup. Oolongs are creamy for the way they coat the mouth. Black teas brisk or astringent, dry up the mouth. Flavor: Note flavors present in addition to those on the chart. Mark how long flavor endures.

In addition, yesterday I received my Korean Souldoll Asiter in the mail. I have been interested in ball-jointed dolls since 2004. The idea behind them is as startling as it is fascinating. Most Asian ball-jointed dolls are constructed of resin with complex joints and highly detailed faces which lend a feeling of incredible realism. This is important since they are created not as collectors’ items but as life companions. They are normally 60 cm in height and have exchangeable wigs and eyes for customization possibilities, also a considerable heft due to the weight of the resin.

I hope to share more information about my doll, Aspen, in this journal. He came to me with green eyes and a short black wig. I have several wigs and pairs of eyes to try on him. Part of the fun of having a ball-jointed doll is bonding. Well, this may not seem fun to everyone, but there’s a lot of people who think so. Different things work for different people, but in my perspective one ball-jointed doll is best, since it is meant to be your personal companion. Spending time with Aspen is like taking a moment for myself—a more playful, childlike moment.

Lipstick: Pink Twilight (limited-edition)

Eyeshadow: Onyx (two-toned, used as shadow and liner)

Cheek color: Apricot Breeze

Nail color: Caribbean Blue

All Mary Kay Signature collection.

Inspired by the novel Twilight by Stephanie Meyer.

I have been thinking of selling Mary Kay Cosmetics lately. I have been putting together my own Mary Kay beauty collections for years. When I worked at Mary Kay I amassed so many cosmetics and delighted in making my own collections rather than using their trend reports through their web site.

I have been selling many things through Den of Angels and eBay lately, and I love to sell. It has become approximately half of what I do each evening and on the weekends. I love taking photos, writing descriptions. I love seeing who buys my items. When I see my Den of Angels buyers’ styles and collections, I am impressed with their taste and how they will incorporate my item.

I adore cosmetics and truly miss my interaction with them. One thing about working for Mary Kay as a chemist was that I could not even consider becoming a beauty consultant due to their policies.

Last night I made a spreadsheet for my site Chantilly Lace to balance sales with purchases. I find myself wanting to purchase things that create more sales, however; such as a doll for which I could sew and sell items. It is not that I am greedy, I just love the feeling of connection with other collectors. As my books stand I could buy almost any doll I like now. However I could also purchase a Mary Kay beauty consultant kit. That would be so cool. I will give it some thought.

We awoke to the sky dripping with rain, and I was feeling under the weather, so we had a quiet, dripping morning with pancakes, coffee and whipped cream. Nathan convinced me to do some yoga poses to help me with my stomach cramps. They helped a little, but as I have been sitting here the pain is easing entirely. I am so grateful, because I long to do so many things today.

So here is my to-do list for this weekend--

1. Find new post office, mail card
2. Unpack all books and magazines, organize them
3. Put away all clothes/linens on the sofa
4. Pumpkin bread (Saturday)
5. Oma’s sausage dumplings (Sunday)

I found an ad for the Gibson Girl Boudoir Doll from the Franklin Mint in my 1991 Victoria. I thought she was exquisite. It resurrects my love for porcelain dolls. For a while I was thinking of selling my porcelain dolls, but after reading Brigitte von Messner’s doll-making book I was almost heartbroken by the amazing work that goes into creating a porcelain doll. In addition I am drawn to the beauty and lustre of porcelain. There is something rich about it, even in the lowliest doll.

Remedy for day of disappointments …

On an avocado tray: pot of mint tea, sugar bowl, tea cup, vitamins, piece of chocolate pie and warm compress.

I have been trying for ages to relax my forehead. It kinked up around January 2008 when I was going through some hell and hasn’t uncreased since. For the first ten seconds I face the bathroom mirror in the morning, it looks fine; then I start thinking and – bingo.

I bought this retro beauty fix called Frownies – it’s kraft paper with water-activated glue. You spray them with water and stick them on your forehead to uncrease you during the night. I almost got through the whole pack with almost no result. In desperation I placed my next-to-last Frownie in the hot zone and scrupulously smoothed it, hoping against hope my crease would be gone.

When I woke up (this was Tuesday morning) and pulled off the Frownie, my forehead felt funny. It jacked up in a deep furrow right before my eyes and the muscle stung. Today’s the first day it hasn’t stung, but I’ve come to terms with the fact that I probably pinched a nerve with it.

I heated up a hot pack for my forehead tonight. The crease vanished immediately. If I could go through the rest of my life without thinking I probably wouldn’t ever have furrows, but it seems like an occasional hot pack application is a better cure than Frownies – because I think a lot – a whole, whole lot.

When work-recovery time is over, this is what I am going to do –

1. Work on my Sympathy card for Mrs. Malak
2. Also was going to send my forwarding address to my friends and family but um… someone stole our mail box, so that’s pretty pointless…
3. A general animal clean-up of cat and bird matter, and replenishing of food/water
4. Put out all garbage by the gate
5. Put away all clothes/linens on the sofa
6. Dinner – rest of the chicken and goat cheese in a pita pocket
7. Some ironing
8. Organize my magazines
9. Breakroom survival kit – warm sweater, a couple of magazines and pen for marking up, Twilight, tea cup and saucer, spoon
10. Prepare crock pot for tomorrow’s dinner – homestyle pork chops
11. After dark – work at stories, outlines, NaNoWriMo 2009.