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![]() Little pumpkins Originally uploaded by ladyhildegarde Reuniting with your family can be like reuniting with yourself, when you have not seen yourself in a long time. Coming back to the place of my origins I remember things I have forgotten about the pine woods, gulf air and generous stretches of water. The homes are enveloped in a generous swath of green, so unlike the green which Nature rations scrupulously where I live. It is hard to select the nicest of moments. The silence after all the talk was said. The moment following the moment of initial terror when I meet my mother's gaze after so long, knowing she'll know I'm different and no words to explain how, and her great joy toward me, different or same. Listening to even more stories I have not heard before about my Dad's family -- how could there be more? -- but there are, and they're even better than the previous ones.
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I'm so glad I made it. Now for an hour or two in the bed with stuffies and novels. I am in the middle of three, can't decide which one to read first. |
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This morning, finally reading The Sweet Far Thing and eating a pastry. I feel a little bewildered. The holidays always make me feel this way. I know I desperately need time for myself, the days of vacation stretch ahead, and there's many family obligations to fill them, mine and his. My sewing room is becoming a special place. I've excavated my Pre-Raph paintings from my college dorm room and installed shelving. Aspen, Marguerite and Violette are happy together. |
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I have not been able to throw away my broken Ginny. Everytime I look at her I am awed by her beauty, perhaps more prominent in contrast to her broken back and collar bone. Last night I tried glueing the worst break together with Super Glue. It seemed to hold. There's another smaller portion along her shoulder to repair, then I am going to buy her two new legs. I found exactly the right size. Ginny was intended for scavenging parts for another broken doll. I was able to sell that doll recently at a good price, but this Ginny, who I had always intended to throw away, works her spell on me. If I can get the breakage resolved I will place the order for her legs. I am trying to move as many older porcelain dolls out the door as possible but I keep ending up with a few pets. A few as in ten or so. Sigh... |
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What a diabolical game. I have been thinking of it lately. Would you believe me if I told you the ethics of it troubled me even in kindergarten? When someone cuts you off on the highway, how can you blame him, when he is doing as he was taught? |
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I'm posting by mail and can't add the video, but I'm desperately in love with the song "Open your Eyes" by the Cruxshadows/Dreamside which I heard through the Youtube video. My day has felt a little harsh. I'm convinced it would have been at least a little better if I had remembered my lipstick. I'm back to being somewhat of a stranger to myself again. |
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I realized I have always thought of time I spend alone as not being living time. It's time when I'm not living, the wild card time, alone with myself, sometimes a stranger, sometimes my soul mate. I have experienced a strange inner energy the past few days. The darkness of facts of life existence has disintegrated into constant highs and lows of passion which have manifested in my hearth, in some very erratic writing not at all true to the characters. How did I ever live in my facts of life existence? Last night I walked out to the pond in the dark with Reginald. I could only see the glassy surface of the water shimmering with starlight. The high grass around me was shadow. It was the deepest form of my nonliving. Illogical, pointless. When I'm alone I don't want a flashlight. |
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![]() Old van Originally uploaded by ladyhildegarde I saw this beauty on my morning Starbucks run. I love old trucks and vans but don't want to get involved with the maintenance. |
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I can tell the time change because the air is so much more golden than usual in mid-afternoon. I love it so much. I am approaching my favorite season, and in anticipation I have arranged one of my khaki sewing boxes with embroidery threads, cloth and pattern to sit quietly by in the cold, dark hours ahead. Friday night was a delicious one. We went to Spiral Diner in Fort Worth. It was totally exciting. I couldn't decide what I wanted most from the all-vegan menu. I got a cheeseburger, better than most I have had. The pasta salad also was delicious. It was so exciting to spend an evening out. The atmosphere in this part of Fort Worth was like that of an arts district. It was almost like we had teleported to Austin. Being so close to Fort Worth really sweetens the deal of our not-too-remote farmhouse. |
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![]() Something sweet Originally uploaded by ladyhildegarde Mmm, it tastes like love. This is McDonalds's new hot chocolate. |
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Each day I am left unsatisfied, spurring me on to the next. Every day I come a little closer to realizing what is important to me and what is not. Realizing my mortality has had a great effect on how I view my life. Immediately it is clear to me what I can't bear to go through life without being, doing and experiencing. |
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![]() A moment of sunlight Originally uploaded by ladyhildegarde Sunlight, fresh air to breathe, in a place where it is absolutely |
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This week I started reading The Harney and Sons Guide to Tea. I am only in the first chapter, but I love it. I have lost my access points to certain teas and feel inspired to seek them through other sources. From the book… Tea tasting in five steps
In addition, yesterday I received my Korean Souldoll Asiter in the mail. I have been interested in ball-jointed dolls since 2004. The idea behind them is as startling as it is fascinating. Most Asian ball-jointed dolls are constructed of resin with complex joints and highly detailed faces which lend a feeling of incredible realism. This is important since they are created not as collectors’ items but as life companions. They are normally 60 cm in height and have exchangeable wigs and eyes for customization possibilities, also a considerable heft due to the weight of the resin. I hope to share more information about my doll, Aspen, in this journal. He came to me with green eyes and a short black wig. I have several wigs and pairs of eyes to try on him. Part of the fun of having a ball-jointed doll is bonding. Well, this may not seem fun to everyone, but there’s a lot of people who think so. Different things work for different people, but in my perspective one ball-jointed doll is best, since it is meant to be your personal companion. Spending time with Aspen is like taking a moment for myself—a more playful, childlike moment. |
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Lipstick: Pink Twilight (limited-edition) Eyeshadow: Onyx (two-toned, used as shadow and liner) Cheek color: Apricot Breeze Nail color: Caribbean Blue All Mary Kay Signature collection. Inspired by the novel Twilight by Stephanie Meyer. I have been thinking of selling Mary Kay Cosmetics lately. I have been putting together my own Mary Kay beauty collections for years. When I worked at Mary Kay I amassed so many cosmetics and delighted in making my own collections rather than using their trend reports through their web site. I have been selling many things through Den of Angels and eBay lately, and I love to sell. It has become approximately half of what I do each evening and on the weekends. I love taking photos, writing descriptions. I love seeing who buys my items. When I see my Den of Angels buyers’ styles and collections, I am impressed with their taste and how they will incorporate my item. I adore cosmetics and truly miss my interaction with them. One thing about working for Mary Kay as a chemist was that I could not even consider becoming a beauty consultant due to their policies. Last night I made a spreadsheet for my site Chantilly Lace to balance sales with purchases. I find myself wanting to purchase things that create more sales, however; such as a doll for which I could sew and sell items. It is not that I am greedy, I just love the feeling of connection with other collectors. As my books stand I could buy almost any doll I like now. However I could also purchase a Mary Kay beauty consultant kit. That would be so cool. I will give it some thought. |
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We awoke to the sky dripping with rain, and I was feeling under the weather, so we had a quiet, dripping morning with pancakes, coffee and whipped cream. Nathan convinced me to do some yoga poses to help me with my stomach cramps. They helped a little, but as I have been sitting here the pain is easing entirely. I am so grateful, because I long to do so many things today. So here is my to-do list for this weekend--
I found an ad for the Gibson Girl Boudoir Doll from the Franklin Mint in my 1991 Victoria. I thought she was exquisite. It resurrects my love for porcelain dolls. For a while I was thinking of selling my porcelain dolls, but after reading Brigitte von Messner’s doll-making book I was almost heartbroken by the amazing work that goes into creating a porcelain doll. In addition I am drawn to the beauty and lustre of porcelain. There is something rich about it, even in the lowliest doll. |
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Remedy for day of disappointments … On an avocado tray: pot of mint tea, sugar bowl, tea cup, vitamins, piece of chocolate pie and warm compress. I have been trying for ages to relax my forehead. It kinked up around January 2008 when I was going through some hell and hasn’t uncreased since. For the first ten seconds I face the bathroom mirror in the morning, it looks fine; then I start thinking and – bingo. I bought this retro beauty fix called Frownies – it’s kraft paper with water-activated glue. You spray them with water and stick them on your forehead to uncrease you during the night. I almost got through the whole pack with almost no result. In desperation I placed my next-to-last Frownie in the hot zone and scrupulously smoothed it, hoping against hope my crease would be gone. When I woke up (this was Tuesday morning) and pulled off the Frownie, my forehead felt funny. It jacked up in a deep furrow right before my eyes and the muscle stung. Today’s the first day it hasn’t stung, but I’ve come to terms with the fact that I probably pinched a nerve with it. I heated up a hot pack for my forehead tonight. The crease vanished immediately. If I could go through the rest of my life without thinking I probably wouldn’t ever have furrows, but it seems like an occasional hot pack application is a better cure than Frownies – because I think a lot – a whole, whole lot. When work-recovery time is over, this is what I am going to do –
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